Book 13 of my 2017 Reading Challenge
read from February 1 - 9
Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt
Summary (via the book jacket)
When Wayne and Kelly Maines adopted identical twin boys, they thought their lives were complete. But it wasn't long before they noticed a marked difference between Jonas and his brother, Wyatt. Jonas preferred sports and trucks and many of the things boys were "supposed" to like; but Wyatt liked princess dolls and dress-up and playing Little Mermaid. By the time the twins were toddlers, confusion over Wyatt's insistence that he was female began to tear the family apart. In the years that followed, the Maineses came to question their long-held views on gender and identity, to accept and embrace Wyatt's transition to Nicole, and to undergo an emotionally wrenching transformation of their own that would change all their lives forever.
Becoming Nicole chronicles a journey that could have destroyed a family but instead brought it closer together. It's the story of a mother whose instincts told her that her child needed love and acceptance, not ostracism and disapproval; of a Republican, Air Force veteran father who overcame his deepest fears to become a vocal advocate for trans rights; of a loving brother who bravely stuck up for his twin sister; and of a town forced to confront its prejudices, a school compelled to rewrite its rules, and a courageous community of transgender activists determined to make their voices heard. Ultimately, Becoming Nicole is the story of an extraordinary girl who fought for the right to be herself.
Granted wide-ranging access to personal diaries, home videos, clinical journals, legal documents, medical records, and the Maineses themselves, Amy Ellis Nutt spent almost four years reporting this immersive account of an American family confronting an issue that is at the center of today's cultural debate. Becoming Nicole will resonate with anyone who's ever raised a child, felt at odds with society's conventions and norms, or had to embrace life when it plays out unexpectedly. It's a story of standing up for your beliefs and yourself - and it will inspire all of us to do the same.
The prologue drew me in and the entire book read very quickly.
It really highlighted the difference a supportive family can make. I don't want to say Nicole is lucky because I believe parents supporting their kids should be the norm, but realistically I know it's not the case and having parents willing to advocate for her, including challenging the school legally, and find the doctors who could help her gave her an enormous advantage in her transition.
While both her parents always loved her Wayne, the father, took a little longer to fully get on board and he was very honest about that. I appreciated that the book talked about the sacrifices and struggles but also kept the underlying respect and love the family had for each other. Everyone's position was very understandable.
Now on to the grandfather of a classmate of Jonas and Nicole's, who became a catalyst for Nicole's struggles in school which eventually led to them moving and suing the school district. He has rights to use the system correctly and voice his opinions but the way he used his grandson to do the "dirty work" during the school day was just gross.
A Few Quotes from the Book
"When it comes to that physical self, for a transgender person every waking moment, every conscious breath, is a denial of who they truly are. For these people their bodies are at odds with their ideas of themselves, or their ideas of who they should be. They are estranged from the very thing that sustains them in the world, and there is no way to reconcile this conflict through psychological counseling or behavioral conditioning. There is only one way out of the alienation, and that's to make the body congruent with the mind."
"The experience of who we are is a celebration of what makes us human, and one of those experiences is being male or female - or something in between."