Can Everyone Please Calm Down?

 Book 17 of my 2021 Reading Challenge

Can Everyone Please Calm Down? A Guide to 21st Century Sexuality

by Mae Martin

Summary (via the book jacket)

published 2019

Why do we find sexuality so, well...scary?

Comedian Mae Martin investigates in this hilarious and intelligent guide to 21st century sexuality. Covering everything from the pros and cons of labels, to coming out and the joys of sexual fluidity, Mae ponders all the stuff we get hung up about - and then a bit more.

Mae's mission is to ensure that in a world that's full of things to worry about, who we choose to kiss should not be one of them. And when it comes to sexuality, she asks:

Can Everyone Please Calm Down?

First Impressions/Judging a Book by Its Cover

I like Mae Martin's standup comedy and I also liked watching her show "Feel Good" on Netflix.  I'm not sure if I heard about this book from her Instagram page or somewhere else but it was definitely her name recognition that led to me to adding this book to my Christmas list.

The cover art of all capital letters for the title with the "CALM DOWN" part in extra large font with neon sign style and coloring (especially the obnoxiously bright yellow CALM) made me laugh and my instinct is to yell back, "I AM CALM!!!"  As far as the subject of the book, it's an evolving topic.  I'm not sure exactly if it will be her opinion/anecdotal, research, or a mix of both but flipping through it, it looks accessible with short chapters and different graphic design elements mixed in with the text.

My Opinion

4 stars

As the author mentions many times, this is not to be taken as canon.  Historical accuracy is difficult for anyone because erasure and closeted behavior leaves mainly rumors and coded behavior to decipher but she acknowledges that even though she did research, this isn't meant to be a textbook source of non-fiction.  Along those lines, you don't necessarily need to know who Mae Martin is to read this but at the same time, a point of reference wouldn't hurt since her opinions and viewpoint are shaped by her experiences (for example, knowing what she looks like would add to her story about being mistaken for a lesbian and a young man at different points of the same evening).

The book isn't new or groundbreaking but in a way that's kind of the point.  Not every experience a queer person has needs to be framed as QUEER FIRST AND FOREMOST and everything else secondary.  There is no justification or need to prove the existence of LGBTQ, she just jumps in with the baseline that all types of sexuality are valid and moves on to the more interesting aspects of human behavior.  

One of my teenage daughters asked about it when she saw it on my nightstand.  It gave me a chance to introduce Mae Martin's standup to her and I would have no problem passing this book along to her as well if she was interested in reading it.

Quote from the Book

"That's the great prank life plays on us - the things we hide and are ashamed of would secretly be the most unifying things if only we said them out loud."