Book 28 of my 2016 Reading Challenge
read from March 19 - 23
Dad or Alive: Confessions of an Unexpected Stay-at-Home Dad
by Adrian Kulp
Summary (via Goodreads)
When Adrian Kulp first learned that he was about to become a father, he was essentially a teenage boy trapped in the body of a thirty-two-year-old high-powered executive. He did what his wife asked him to do: grow up. He packed away his Phillies baseball memorabilia, hid his GI Joes, and converted their guest bedroom from his private man cave into a nursery. Goodbye sticky beer cozy. Hello Diaper Genie.
Based on his mercilessly funny and brutally honest blog, here is the hilarious story of one man’s journey from being the one who brings home the bacon to the one who fries it—along with assembling the crib, learning how to “accessorize” his daughter, and flying with an infant for the first time. From numbing booze-free co-ed baby showers to navigating the Farmer's Market with a baby (and loaded diaper) strapped to his chest, to locking himself out of a childproofed toilet, this often-sweaty and exhausted SAHD (stay-at-home dad) gets down and dirty about surviving life as a new parent—dad or alive.
Another book based on a blogger I'm not familiar with. I'm not sure since I haven't read it but I would assume at least some of the material is similar to the blog since it covers the first year of him being a SAHD (stay-at-home dad).
Hmmm, when he started off by comparing sex with his pregnant wife to moving a refrigerator I wasn't sure I would like his humor. The book did calm down but I wonder if he and his wife are still married (yet not curious enough to actually research it). Maybe it's my sensitivity coming through but his little comments about her behavior portrayed her as a shrew and he doesn't seem to like her very much. Does she appreciate his humor when his daughter weans, allowing his wife's breasts to "be available for occasional recreational use", and he says he needs to "arrange a lesson on etiquette and speak with Ava [his daughter] about the condition in which she returns items she borrows"?
I did think it was funny when he referred to getting his wife pregnant as when he "used my penis to its ultimate potential".
A Few Quotes from the Book
"Nine months of buying Cheetos and Bagel Bites (her pickles and ice cream), being shoved out of the bed by a body pillow the size of a hay bale, and having to pull the car over every five minutes to find a bathroom because my wife's bladder was being crushed were all suddenly worth it."
"As I opened my arms to embrace my in-laws with a hug, they swiftly floated right by, as if I were invisible. That's another thing I had to get used to. I'm not as cute as a newborn baby and never will be."
"Anytime I even came close to complaining about my situation, someone was always right there telling me that they would trade with me in a second or kill for my job. Really? You're looking to be thrown into a new job in which you're responsible for the life of another human being? You want to battle occasional depression and question your self-worth? You would actually kill someone to be in a position where you're changing diapers out of the trunk of your car and can't take a shit without an audience?"
"I bought baby gates for every room and floor. I picked up doorknob protectors and cabinet locks and even found a lock for the toilet seat. I got wind-up knobs for the window blinds to keep the strings up high.
Once one problem was solved, another was born.
Now I was the one who couldn't get into anything. I had locked myself out of everything. My hands were constantly cut and blistered from trying to get into the pantry and open children's Tylenol that I could barely get the toilet open fast enough on most occasions.
I had become a prisoner in my own home."