The Marriage Test

Book 17 of my 2019 Reading Challenge

read from February 7 - 11

The Marriage Test: Our 40 Dates Before "I Do"

by Jill Andres and Brook Silva-Braga

Summary (via the book jacket)

published 2016

Picking a partner is life's most important decision, but how are we supposed to make it? Being in love is a good start, but the issues that ultimately wreck marriages - money and monogamy, career and kids - are hard to gauge until you're actually hitched. So after a few years of dating, Jill Andres and Brook Silva-Braga built the Marriage Test to confirm their compatibility before saying "I do."

Forty revealing challenges simulate the issues that could tank or strengthen their union. For a month, they swap credit cards, for a weekend they borrow a baby. An embarrassing lunch with their exes tests their trust issues. Sexual gymnastics are required to re-create TV love scenes. From a night of speed dating to twenty-four hours handcuffed together, the crazy, awkward, emotional trials fling them headfirst into assorted marital minefields.

My Opinion

4 stars

Going in I thought that this was a cute idea for a book as long as they weren't promoting this as something serious that every couple should go through.  Once I read a few chapters and was reassured this isn't a self-help book I settled in and really liked it.  I liked both their voices as they alternated but whether it was personality or gender or a little of both, I could relate to Jill a little more than Brook.

Even as someone who's been married awhile there were a few challenges that made me think but there were also a few that I knew were going to be problematic, both for the potential of things going too far and because it just doesn't matter so there's not a lot of positive things to be gained by the risk anyway...the one where they imitated each other and the one where their friends imitated them.

The challenge where they packed for each other made me laugh because it reminded me of a moment I'll never let my husband live down.  I went grocery shopping with my mom and when I came home my husband had surprised me by planning a weekend away so the kids were gone and he had my bag ready.  I don't like surprises anyway so the first thing I did was cry because if I'd known I wasn't going to see the kids for 2 days instead of what I thought was a quick trip to the store, I would've hugged and kissed them goodbye.  Once we got past that hurdle and to the hotel the second "WTF was he thinking?!?!" moment happened...he had packed a shirt for me that I had never worn before because it was a little tight.  Obviously that's why he picked it but that wasn't the main issue...It was a Halloween shirt that said, "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" on it.  And our trip was to a book festival.  In JULY.  Needless to say, we had to make a stop at Target so I could get another shirt.  So he got points for trying but it's definitely one of our funnier 'dinner party' stories to retell over and over.

A Few Quotes from the Book

"Picking a partner is the most important decision any of us will ever make, but how are we supposed to make it? Being in love is obviously a good start, but the things that ultimately wreck marriages - money and monogamy, career and kids - are hard to practice for until you're actually hitched. What if she spends too much? What if I'm a bad dad? You can be together for years without ever truly auditioning each other for the Big Job."

"At its best, this Marriage Test shined a light on problems we'd overlooked or issues we avoided confronting. But at its worst, it felt like we'd put our relationship up on a pedestal and instead of admiring its beauty we were circling its faults...The love we shared and the problems we had overcome mattered at least as much as our shortcomings."

"The magic of partnership is finding someone who can love you in spite of yourself, someone willing to adapt to your personality quirks and vice versa."